To most, this would just look like a random photo where I was tired and trying to look cute doing my "mama thing" in a selfie.
But in reality, while this was exactly that, to me, it was also SO MUCH more. This photo was my baby sharing when I wasn't allowed to share. Confidentiality from his adoption agency asked I not show my son's face on social media to protect him and myself from unnecessary heart break "just in case."
This photo meant the world time then because it was my hack that allowed me to feel a *little* less jealous and envious in seeing everyone else's photos. The wait was well worth it but the road and months to make him mine were long and hard. I couldn't share his first smiles or his first tastes of food.
Adoption is a hard road, friends. Hard for very simple pleasures being denied like posting photos to social media and then hard for the really and truly hard things that are the reason behind my inability to post to social media... the uncertainty and the vulnerability of knowing that there is a possibility that the child you've grown to love could potentially be taken from you. Adoption is hard.
It's also worth it.
If you've been questioning adoption, please reach out! I'd love to chat with you about my experience and how I can help you navigate (potentially) your own adoption journey.